To the pious: Choose your enemies wisely

To whom it may concern,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint about the conduct of priest Reverend S**** ***** SChr.

My father died on Tuesday morning the 11th of February - this has been an incredibly difficult time and emotional shock on myself and my family.

On Wednesday the 12th, my uncle and I went to speak to the rev. about the funeral. When I asked him why we could not have a Power Point presentation showing pictures of my father’s life, rev ** flatly responded that it just wasn't possible, offering no explanation. I asked him again why it was not possible and he said it just wasn't appropriate. I didn't understand this at all so I asked him politely for an explanation as to why a Power Point presentation wasn't possible at my fathers funeral. Rev. *** responded by saying that the funeral, "is not a celebration of my father’s life, but rather a time for prayer." I interrupted the rev. stating that I did not agree and that a funeral should be a celebration about his life and also a time for prayer. Rev. *** responded, quite curtly I might add, that he, "didn't care if I agreed with him or not, but this is the way it is."

Rev. *** then continued to (quite aggressively) repeat that church time was about prayer, he even pointed his finger on the desk quite hard to prove his points and I interrupted him again saying, "Excuse me reverend but you are being very aggressive with me right now and I don't appreciate you speaking to me with in tone of voice. This is my father’s funeral and all I asked for was an explanation about why we couldn't have the Power Point presentation. I might not agree with you about it not being a celebration of my father’s life but I still don’t think it’s appropriate of you to speak to me in such a manner during this time.”

Immediately his demeanour changed and he became much more demure (though he did not apologize). He then explained how some people had used inappropriate images in the past and that higher church authorities had deemed it inappropriate to use Power Point presentations during funerals.

After finishing off the remainder of the arrangements, just before we were about to leave, the rev. eventually apologized for his conduct and walked us to the car. My uncle was a witness to all of this, should you require further verification.

Initially I wasn't going to make a complaint about the above until today (Feb 15th) after the funeral when rev. *** behaviour was completely out of line again.

On Wednesday when I spoke to him, I told him that the eulogy I had written would be long and that I would say it in Polish, English and some in Swedish. He said that was fine.

So today at the funeral after I said the eulogy in Polish, I started in English. About halfway through the English eulogy, I noticed rev. *** walking about behind me. I couldn't really see him as he was out of my peripheral vision but I could see that he was moving about and I could hear various sounds. It was mildly distracting but I continued anyway. As I was reaching the end of the it, rev. *** came up to me and said, “Hurry up”. Nothing else. No hand on my back, no gentle word. I couldn't believe my ears but continued anyway.

After I had finished, rev. *** then proceeded to advise the congregation that we were running out of time and he would continue some of the prayers at the burial.

At the wake, many people approached me to tell me what a beautiful eulogy I said. However nearly all of them also mentioned how disappointed they were at the reverends conduct. At least six different people told me they were disgusted by the priests behaviour, one person even said they couldn't believe he didn't even pretend or try to hide his impatience. From the various accounts I have been told, rev. *** was evidently behaving very impatiently behind me. I was told he was repeatedly looking at his watch, sighing dramatically, looking at the clock, pacing back and forth – two people even said they heard him say “Hurry up” over the speakers. My friends and family were left feeling shocked by the lack of compassion they saw by a priest at my own fathers funeral. Again, these are not things I could see as they happened behind my back but complaints from various people who attended the funeral. Should you require further verification, I am more than happy to provide names and contact details of people who will offer their account of what they saw and heard.

After the service, as some of us were still lingering in the church talking about my father someone from the church approached us and asked us to leave as there was to be a christening shortly thereafter.  Only now had I understood that there was something after the funeral, but it would have been nice to have been advised of this earlier so then another time could have been arranged because as far as I was aware, I had all the time in the world during one of the most poignant events in my life, and not rushed and processed like just another function. Still I wonder if it is normal to be asked to leave a church during such a time.

As far as I am aware, a church is not a function centre and should thus not be treated as one. This was the only time in my life I will bury my father and I am almost 100% certain that the people using the church after us would be more than willing to wait the extra ten minutes or so until they could have used the space. Above everything, I am horrified at the distinct lack of respect and compassion displayed by the reverend - as witnessed by nearly every single person in the congregation.

I trust you will forward this mail to the appropriate parties and I anticipate an explanation from a superior authority within the church. I do not send this feedback seeking retribution, nor do I expect to ever feel satisfied with the explanation I am provided - I send this so no other families and mourning individuals have to go through what I did during one of the most vulnerable periods of their lives.

Regards,

Emily