Whether or not it's because I'm a genius or a fucking idiot (though I dare say the latter is the strongest contender) I could not say, but on January 2, 2014 I decided to stop drinking for an entire year. Why I decided upon a year and not six months - or even three months - is still unfathomable to me and despite it almost being halfway through, I can safely say that being sober is unimaginably, wretchedly boring.
Not boring in the sense that there is nothing to do, or there is no sense of fulfillment or worth in living, rather that being plagued with a brain that operates on permanent overdrive and being constantly stuck with the incessant thinking and thoughts, life becomes a different type of stale. And no amount of self-inflicted orgasm can cure that beast, let me tell you.
Chronic masturbation aside, I must also try to see the positive aspects in my imposed sobriety. I've had to be creative in seeking alternative options for altering my consciousness and I've tried a few things I perhaps would not have given a chance otherwise. Admittedly, I haven't really had much if any desire to go out and have fun recently and there's no doubt that avoiding alcohol the last three months or so has been an incredibly practical decision, but that doesn't mean I have enjoyed avoiding it.
It has been insightful to see the social dependency on alcohol. How in nearly every social scenario alcohol has managed to wriggle itself into every circle, as if friends couldn't possibly associate with each other without it. Granted, I happen to know very heavy drinkers and even a few alcoholics - and boy oh boy has resisting temptation been difficult during especially fun nights. So far I've managed to avoid drinking at friends' concerts while on tour, parties, restaurants, drinking wine and listening to music (a favourite past-time) and pub gatherings whilst instead opting for the far more healthy yet ultimately tame and yawn-worthy soda water with lemon. A real good treat.
I don't especially miss hang-overs even though it's during a day of hang-over where the best sex is to be had, but I do miss escapism. I don't miss becoming a misanthrope who tends to bring her friends down, but I do miss the fun part before that stage. I don't miss not remembering things in the morning but I do miss all the non-sensical-yet-very-important-at-the-time conversations. The list goes on...
I am now filling my time with new interests and revisiting old and neglected ones, which is important and maybe even something I wouldn't have otherwise done. In a way I feel like I've been sedating myself with alcohol a little too much in recent years so it really is time to embrace my misery and channel that energy into doing something more productive. Now with all this spare time and clear headidness, I feel like the achievment of some of my old goals is possible.
Not boring in the sense that there is nothing to do, or there is no sense of fulfillment or worth in living, rather that being plagued with a brain that operates on permanent overdrive and being constantly stuck with the incessant thinking and thoughts, life becomes a different type of stale. And no amount of self-inflicted orgasm can cure that beast, let me tell you.
Chronic masturbation aside, I must also try to see the positive aspects in my imposed sobriety. I've had to be creative in seeking alternative options for altering my consciousness and I've tried a few things I perhaps would not have given a chance otherwise. Admittedly, I haven't really had much if any desire to go out and have fun recently and there's no doubt that avoiding alcohol the last three months or so has been an incredibly practical decision, but that doesn't mean I have enjoyed avoiding it.
It has been insightful to see the social dependency on alcohol. How in nearly every social scenario alcohol has managed to wriggle itself into every circle, as if friends couldn't possibly associate with each other without it. Granted, I happen to know very heavy drinkers and even a few alcoholics - and boy oh boy has resisting temptation been difficult during especially fun nights. So far I've managed to avoid drinking at friends' concerts while on tour, parties, restaurants, drinking wine and listening to music (a favourite past-time) and pub gatherings whilst instead opting for the far more healthy yet ultimately tame and yawn-worthy soda water with lemon. A real good treat.
I don't especially miss hang-overs even though it's during a day of hang-over where the best sex is to be had, but I do miss escapism. I don't miss becoming a misanthrope who tends to bring her friends down, but I do miss the fun part before that stage. I don't miss not remembering things in the morning but I do miss all the non-sensical-yet-very-important-at-the-time conversations. The list goes on...
I am now filling my time with new interests and revisiting old and neglected ones, which is important and maybe even something I wouldn't have otherwise done. In a way I feel like I've been sedating myself with alcohol a little too much in recent years so it really is time to embrace my misery and channel that energy into doing something more productive. Now with all this spare time and clear headidness, I feel like the achievment of some of my old goals is possible.
I've just completed 9 years without alcohol..... as an individual I don't miss it at all, not one little bit. As a social creature I do miss it. In the same way, I've eaten super-healthy for 7 years. Again, as an individual I don't miss unhealthy food at all, but as a social creature I do. People bond and communicate over food and drink. To abstain from that does inhibit that bonding and communication (when I say communication, I don't just mean verbal, I mean human to human, being to being, aura to aura... if that makes sense!). On the flip side, doing things my own way has opened my mind to different ideas and experiences. Bonding too much with others can be inhibiting to our personal growth and exploration. It can inhibit our world view because it's easy to be sucked into group-thinking. Not drinking in our culture is like swimming against the tide... it's tough, it can be dull at times, lonely at others... but besides the benefits to physical health there are strong benefits in terms of self-development. It's a little like the benefits of being single that you describe in your latest blog. We must all find our own way in our own time, but with drinking and relationships alike perhaps balance is the key. Alone is good sometimes, abstinence is good sometimes. But it can be great to let yourself get involved with people so long as you know where your own limits lie and it can be great to let your hair down every now and again. Keep up the not drinking experiment and do keep us posted on your thoughts further down the line. A. Friend (AFB)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree and I can definitely feel myself, or at least my thought patterns, changing immensely. The one thing I miss most is staying up late into the night/early morning drinking red wine and listening to great music with another lost soul by candlelight. Balance is key, but one must first find and learn how to exist with it.
DeleteAnother thought: even if a sober person can connect with a drunk person on an intellectual level, I think that their brain states and therefore brainwaves will be very different. Therefore they don't resonate with each other in the same way. The connection simply isn't the same. Hence sobriety in a drinking culture can be very isolating. That said, as previously discussed, isolation can have it's benefits. A.Friend (AFB)
ReplyDeleteI'm okay with the isolation part, I've always been somewhat of a loner anyway. The connection part is strange when you're the sober one because sometimes the drunken one isn't as inhibited and reveals much more about themselves which is great. I've come to understand and thus love some people who I didn't quite "get" before and perhaps I might not of had that insight if I was also under the influence.
DeleteThat's interesting... I hadn't thought of that but you are right - sober people are in a better state to really listen to what other people have to say, truly understand it, absorb it.... and remember it! AFB
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