I thought I'd make a quick update regarding a recent purchase I made which was the must-have fashion accessory of the season, Magnesium Oil.
While I can't exactly claim that my life has somehow radically transformed from a previously insipid and loatheful daily life to that of a transcendental, surrealistic existence - it's not to say I haven't noticed any changes.
As per the text on the side of the bottle, I massage the oil onto my skin every day after showering. Since the instructions merely specify to 'massage onto skin' without providing any suggestions as to which skin or where, I opt to rub the lotion on my chest since it is the most accessible and easy-to-reach location...and well, one might as well perform the recommended lump-checks whilst in the area. Initially the application was quite weird, the instructions specify that a 'tingling sensation' may be felt but I would liken it to more of a mild, itchy burning sensation which has stopped in most recent days.
I honestly didn't think anything was happening and that I'd just ripped myself off again until I did notice one phenomenon recently that was rather peculiar, and I hadn't joined the dots until this morning. While my mood and overall health appear to be exactly the same as they always have been, the one distinct change I noticed was that my hair has become frequently oily. I've gone from washing my hair once or twice a week to almost every second day. It's not like I'm dripping in oil or anything, or that my hair looks grotesque - it's just a subtle difference that only I seem to be noticing, and that my hair feels heavier. Whether or not this is a good thing, I can't say, but at least I know my body is actually absorbing the stuff I rub into it every evening. Perhaps this is also a sign that I am applying too much since it's coming out of my hair?
This brought to my attention the amount of oils I actually use on a daily basis. I really wish I was smart and scientific enough to know if any of this is actually good for me, but if it's got the 'Organic' stamp on it then surely it can't be that bad. If anyone scientific out there has any idea about this stuff - especially so if I'm doing it wrong - please do let me know.
I suppose the Magnesium Oil needs no introduction since it's already been mentioned, nor do I need to mention the Vitamin D oil that I inject into the back of my throat every morning as it is briefly touched upon it here, so I suppose I'll rattle on about the rest.
Argan Oil. Though it isn't a daily ritual, it's still one of my favourites. I put a ten-cent coin amount of this stuff in my palm and rub it through my freshly washed hair. It leaves it feeling incredibly soft and silky - perfect for making your bald-headed other half completely jealous of your luscious locks. It also smells really good and I don't need to use conditioner any more since this oil does the job even better. The only time it makes your hair oily is if you put too much in. I'm not sure if this particular brand is organic but it was an expensive gift from my fancy stripper best friend so surely that's got to give me some cred?
Rose Hip Oil. I just started using this oil on my face and neck in the last year or so and I am yet to witness any noticable benefits. It does give my skin a 'dewy' look, which I suppose must be what some women want to achieve in order to look younger, but I use it because it's meant to be really good for the skin. How or why this it the case I wouldn't have a friggin' clue - more than likely I would have read about it somewhere and became obsessed with the idea and wouldn't settle until I owned a bottle. The truth is, you could probably sell me a bottle of very obviously labelled 'Organic Snake Oil' and I would most likely buy it after swallowing whole your promises of an amazing enrichment to my life.
Remember that one time in your life after you had saved lots of money over a long period of time only to blow a large portion of it to fly to the Middle East for four days for essentially no other reason than to (illegally) get laid? Yeah. Well. While you're there - make sure to pick up some supremely cheap perfume oils which all smell absolutely amazing and are cheaper than the hourly wage of the poor sod you bought them from. Oh, and a tea set. Everyone needs a Middle Eastern tea set.
Coconut Oil. A dollop or three of this in my morning smoothie really gets my motor running. Again with the how's and the why's - who needs specifics? It can also make a great alternative to butter for cooking which I highly recommend since it makes everything taste delicious. I actually had to Google for more reasons as to why else it's so good and I just found out it can also be used as moisturiser for really dry skin and as a sexual lubricant. I'm going to test out one of these theories - no points for guessing which one. Eh - fuck it, I'm not mysterious enough to maintain a facade - I'll try both out.
Almond Butter. The more I find myself having to describe why I use certain products the more I realise the flaws in my system - I honestly have no idea at all why I use very oily almond butter in my smoothie every morning. Almonds are full of protein and...I don't eat meat...so...there's the connection. Surely. It is DELICIOUS so that's got to be a good enough standing point.
This blog actually ended up being a lot longer than I intended and also happened to turn into an accidental beauty blog, which is peculiar for me, since I always thought I was more of a tomboy. Then again, there must be a fine line between being a feminine female and a neurotic creep?
While I can't exactly claim that my life has somehow radically transformed from a previously insipid and loatheful daily life to that of a transcendental, surrealistic existence - it's not to say I haven't noticed any changes.
As per the text on the side of the bottle, I massage the oil onto my skin every day after showering. Since the instructions merely specify to 'massage onto skin' without providing any suggestions as to which skin or where, I opt to rub the lotion on my chest since it is the most accessible and easy-to-reach location...and well, one might as well perform the recommended lump-checks whilst in the area. Initially the application was quite weird, the instructions specify that a 'tingling sensation' may be felt but I would liken it to more of a mild, itchy burning sensation which has stopped in most recent days.
I honestly didn't think anything was happening and that I'd just ripped myself off again until I did notice one phenomenon recently that was rather peculiar, and I hadn't joined the dots until this morning. While my mood and overall health appear to be exactly the same as they always have been, the one distinct change I noticed was that my hair has become frequently oily. I've gone from washing my hair once or twice a week to almost every second day. It's not like I'm dripping in oil or anything, or that my hair looks grotesque - it's just a subtle difference that only I seem to be noticing, and that my hair feels heavier. Whether or not this is a good thing, I can't say, but at least I know my body is actually absorbing the stuff I rub into it every evening. Perhaps this is also a sign that I am applying too much since it's coming out of my hair?
This brought to my attention the amount of oils I actually use on a daily basis. I really wish I was smart and scientific enough to know if any of this is actually good for me, but if it's got the 'Organic' stamp on it then surely it can't be that bad. If anyone scientific out there has any idea about this stuff - especially so if I'm doing it wrong - please do let me know.
I suppose the Magnesium Oil needs no introduction since it's already been mentioned, nor do I need to mention the Vitamin D oil that I inject into the back of my throat every morning as it is briefly touched upon it here, so I suppose I'll rattle on about the rest.
Argan Oil. Though it isn't a daily ritual, it's still one of my favourites. I put a ten-cent coin amount of this stuff in my palm and rub it through my freshly washed hair. It leaves it feeling incredibly soft and silky - perfect for making your bald-headed other half completely jealous of your luscious locks. It also smells really good and I don't need to use conditioner any more since this oil does the job even better. The only time it makes your hair oily is if you put too much in. I'm not sure if this particular brand is organic but it was an expensive gift from my fancy stripper best friend so surely that's got to give me some cred?
Scented Oils. I burn lots of scented oils since I find the sense of smell to be an important aspect in invoking atmosphere and triggering desired regions of the mind. Even though I'm not actually ingesting this into or onto my body in any way, it is still wafting through the air I breathe - seeping into my lungs and pores. Incense and oils have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I used to work at a drug paraphernalia manufacturing company I used to burn tonnes and tonnes of cheap incense all the time, which left me paranoid about breathing in fumes produced by cheap and nasty ingredients that were probably not of the highest quality. While I'm still employed and have money, I like to buy slightly more expensive products because they smell better, last longer and will hopefully not bestow upon me some leeching little cancer that will slowly and painfully kill me as I humiliatingly excrete any remaining life force into a colostomy bag while huddled on a rocking chair in some shitty little retirement home where the staff couldn't give a damn about me and I'm left to ponder about all the things I did wrong in and should have done with my life and how noone visits me because all my friends are dead until I die in one final burst of overwhelming pain.
This blog actually ended up being a lot longer than I intended and also happened to turn into an accidental beauty blog, which is peculiar for me, since I always thought I was more of a tomboy. Then again, there must be a fine line between being a feminine female and a neurotic creep?
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